Angry Metal Guy Speaks: 10,000 Posts

By Angry Metal Guy

There’s almost no good way to mark these anniversaries without getting a little self-referential, maybe a little maudlin… or without tooting your own horn until you’re red in the face and everyone’s embarrassed. Still, it has come to my attention that this is the 10,000th post of AngryMetalGuy.com. Actually, as of this writing, the number of posts in the entire system is supremely metal 10,666. Also, we have something like 600 drafts that never saw the light of day and 49 pending posts that have never been published.1 To say that we’ve been productive carries with it a drunk Bilbo Bagginsesque tone of bemusement.

“My, we have been productive.”

During the 16ish years of unbound fecundity that it took for us to reach this dubious landmark, many a writer or would-be writer (over 60, at this point) has spilled internet ink within these unhallowed halls. We have extolled the virtues and excoriated the shortcomings of wonderful records and forgettable platters. We’ve opined, and raged, and littered the page with so many puns and dad jokes that you’d think this website was the patriarch of a family of 10. The total result of this hard work has resulted in been 8,032,385 words that have been written.2 Divide that by 10,000, and that’s an average of about 803 words per post—53 more than our max review length.3 The Year of Our Angry Overlord, 2019, was our most productive year ever. It saw us jam through 983 posts—a mind-numbing number if you think about it for long enough. Our longest average posts to date were last year, in 2024, where our average post had 955 words. I can’t even imagine how that’s possible, but there you go.4

And what are the core bits of writing that really drive readership? Well, here’s where the horn tootin’ comes in. Of our Top 20(ish) posts, 10 are Angry Metal Guy’s Top Ten(ish) Record(s) o’ the Year lists (with 2015 taking the cake for the most read post of all time). Three more of those are other lists: songs 50-41 of my Top 50 Heavy Metal Songs list; 10-1 of that same list; and my Top 15(ish) of the 2000s. The most viewed non-list was Steel Druhm‘s April Fool’s post from last year about Ripper Owens leaving KK’s Priest for BB’s Maiden. And then there’s the reviews. El Cuervo‘s review of Opeth The Last Will and Testament,5 my review of In Flames’ Foregone, Druhm‘s review of Megadeth’s The Sick, the Dying…and the Dead!, both Veil of Imagination and Epigone (landing very close to each other in terms of views and written by El Cuervo and myself), Batushka’s Litourgiya (TYMHM from 2015, penned by our dear [not actually] deceased Roquentin), and my review of Opeth’s Pale Communion round out the Top 20 posts.6

And even after all this time, we are still changing the world and keeping up with the times by spreading disinformation about incorrigible self-Googler Ripper Owens. That Ripper Owens post that was posted on April 1st, 2024, has moved from parody into objective fact, as it has been picked up by Google’s AI as the answer to the question: “Is Ripper Owens still in KK’s Priest?” The answer? “No, Tim ‘Ripper’ Owens is not currently with KK’s Priest. He left the band in early 2024 to pursue a new project with former Iron Maiden vocalist Blaze Bayley.” A round of applause for both Druhm and the superiority and inevitability of AI!7

What do I take away from this list? Well, aside from pride at what I—nay, we—have wrought, it pays to review big bands’ records if you want a lot of views. I know that’s tough to imagine, but there we are. Better, however, than the super obvious thing is that I’m particularly proud of how we helped to spread the word about Wilderun and Batushka. But this list also brings with it some melancholy and nostalgia. Seeing Druhm and me as the only active writers on this list is a bit of a bummer. But as time moves on, we’ll make new memories with new exploited writers who will pen review after review without compensation, only to watch us feast ourselves even fatter on the spoils of our seniority.

And the raft of contributors who have come and gone deserve recognition. In the end, I want to thank everyone who has contributed to making Angry Metal Guy what it has become over the years—from the Potatoes Jim of the world to the Steels Druhm.8 Without you, this would never have happened. I appreciate the blood, sweat, and/or tears that you have put into carrying my boulder up that hill every day. And so even though your names aren’t at the top of this list, know that I tolerate each one of you with the same cold-hearted disinterest that I always have. Your service has been noted.

As for you readers? Without you, it would’ve taken a lot of refreshing my browser and switching between VPNs to get enough daily readers, so as to result in a desire to keep pushing on until we hit 10,000 posts. So, thank you for your loyalty over the years. We love (most) of your comments. We enjoy (most) of your opinions. And we are (entirely) happy that you spend your hard-earned money on the bands we love, and thank you for your trust. You reading, listening, and supporting the scene means we’re all making the world a better place one overwritten review or blog post at a time.

Show 8 footnotes

1. This was basically us ghosting writers we didn’t like, from what I can tell.
2. Including 6,000 words spilled on Panopticon just earlier today!
3. Literally no one follows the rules around here.
4. Oooh, we just posted a 6,000-word Panopticon retrospective. I am starting to understand.
5. I do have two very long footnotes in there, so I take partial credit for it.
6. Ish is Disillusion Ayam by GardensTale
7. There being two apparent sources (one of them being Reddit!) means that it’s an objective fact!
8. The exceptions know who they are.

#2025 #AngryMetalGuySpeaks #Batushka #BlogPost #BlogPosts #Disillusion #InFlames #Landmarks #Megadeth #Opeth #Wilderun